THE RECAPITULATION OF HERO MECHALITH
Question: Why you always bringing up old sh..?
Answer: Cause ain't a damn thang changed.
"I am no longer going to be the person I am expected to be."
When I forgive (let go of) you, it's not about you.
It's about ME. [In forgiving] I cut the cord between ME, and you!.
-TD Jakes
You deserve a medal. -Kim Moton
0-18 Years: I should have spoken up for myself.
And spoke out against what was a mistreatment of myself.
I
had no champion. So I conformed.
And I created another life for myself
outside of the dysfunctional
and abusive situation my f...in' mother put
me in.
But SHE was dealing with me 'harshly' LONG before Moton did.
And
she still does! lol
PROLOGUE
RECAPITULATION
Recapitulation (music):
A section of musical sonata form where the exposition
is repeated in an altered form and the development is concluded.
Recapitulation (nagualism):
Castaneda - "recollecting one's life down to the most insignificant detail"; when complete, one no longer abides by the limitations of their person.
Sanchez - a procedure of self-healing. Damage is caused by repetitive emotional conflicts. When these conflicts persist they drain one's vital energy (spirit). Recapitulation is done by reliving events in the past without the emotional susceptibility the event caused in the past.
Raphael - Recapitulation is used to discharge one's emotion so that they do not react and one can perceive clearly. Emotional charges blind one from perceiving reality as it truly is.
THE GODS IN EVERYMAN
To feel authentic means to be free to develop traits and potentials that are innate predispositions.
When we are accepted and allowed to be genuine,
it's possible to have self-esteem and authenticity together.
This develops only if we are encouraged rather than
disheartened by the reactions of significant others to us...
From childhood on, first our family and then our culture are the mirrors in which we see ourselves as acceptable or not. When we need to conform in order to be acceptable, we may end up wearing a false face and playing an empty role if who we are inside and what is expected of us are far apart.
THE HADES MAN
The Hades man in a Zeus world
has the same difficulties as does a black man in a white world.
In a white world, the black man does not see positive images of himself;
he is treated as an inferior,
and is the recipient of negative or shadow projections.
The theme for Hades the man, is how to adapt:
Can he stay true to himself and also fit into the outer world?
His innate predisposition is not encouraged; on the contrary,
he is measured against a personality standard that is the very opposite of who he is.
So the Hades boy may thus feel unwelcome in the world as he is,
and find that his interior world is, in contrast, a refuge.
He does well when his parents can respect his individuality,
and can appreciate that a capacity for solitude is a strength, not weirdness.
He usually receives no help with the ways he has of perceiving
and has to manage how to interpret his own experience or repress his subjective reactions.
If parents use a son for their own self-esteem,
then anger may lie just below the surface and be directed against
the son whom they do not see themselves in.
Father-son combinations often fare worse.
Through reading...a Hades man finds the vocabulary to convey the riches of his inner experience
(and power)...if he is loved or loves anyone, then the realm of emotions also becomes a place in which he grows...Hades, was also called the "rich one," and his realm a source of underground wealth (Zeus of the Underworld/Archetype of The Rich One).To have Hades as a part of one's psychological nature can be very enriching...Hades as a recluse is a source of creativity can be expressed through the arts...
-Jean Shinoda-Bolen, M.D.
* The Laugh Out Loud in my opening quote shouldn't be confused with me thinking what was done to me was funny, but that I am no longer emotionally affected by somebody who has proven unable to grow, change, and relate without combustion to their own offspring. #disrespectwedon'ttakelightly
INTRODUCTION TO THE LETTER
Age 18- Present
I am the champion of the child I once was, the adult he never had
and the young fool I no longer am.
You should pray deeply for anyone,
evil enough to have wronged either.
My First 3 Rules
1. I don't have anything to do with anybody that has done me wrong in any way
2. In relationship with men, if there's loss of enough respect,
where I would commit violence to them, or they to me, I terminate the relationship.
3. In relationship with women, I don't talk to bitchez who hang up on me. A man has never done that with me. I have NEVER been in relationship with the kind of man that didn't respect or couldn't take the words that come out of my mouth. Me and the men I talk to don't argue.
I've been telling Becca since the first time my mother hung up on me (3xs now since I left home again, but trust me, never again), that IF, they (my mother and moton) ever point blank addressed anything instead of facading with me and moving on with things, that I'd hit them right between the eyes with some real talk. They never did. When I stopped indulging them they definitely withdrew. And my mother harbored every issue SHE wanted answered, but there was never the bright idea -I wanted some answers for behaviours myself. Which NEVER came. Until I initiated them.
My recapitulation process of addressing every detail of my life, prompted an inquiry into the nature of a seemingly sympathetic remark made by my mother to me concerning Moton "missing time from work" behind legal requirements involving an assault he made on me (at legal age) and the subsequent charge that was pressed as a result of it.
I took the opportunity of that conversation, to reveal to her that the occurrence was the THIRD such opportunity that Moton seized to 'have his way' with me without an audience. ABUSE by definition. And this fuckin' woman turned this phone call into to some personality clash between she and I. And Mr. Moton couldn't resist asserting himself, giving me the chance I wanted -to have him be introduced to a ....more 'Honest' expression of myself :).....insert evil laugh right here!!!
THE LETTER TO MOTON
(...continued tomorrow)
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